Make Me Brave

The deeper I walk into the mysteries of God and the more confidently I embrace them, the more foolish I appear to the world.

Everything is upside down; there is a way that seems right to a man.

My husband took a significant risk at work last week: in a place where the name of Jesus may not be mentioned, he unraveled the whole beautiful story to a person lost in desperate darkness.

He planted hope and it may yet cost him his job.

As we were sharing this story with the kids, one of the little ones asked if Daddy was going to die for his faith.  We laughed in the moment, but really, this call to live in Christ is a call to come and die.

{And we may die for Jesus one day, just as brothers and sisters all over the world are dying in His name even now.  I dare not believe that this façade of peace is here forever; I need to live ready.}

Yet, courage has to build one step at a time as I learn what life really is and what it means to follow a Redeemer-King whose wisdom is folly to the world: it means exchanging my comfort for the cross; replacing worldly wisdom for seemingly-confounding Supernatural Revelation, and swapping personal peace for a Love so wide it leads into eternity.  It also means resting in the shadow of His wings and abandoning ‘it all’ to the one who loves me the most and knows every detail of my life… my times are in His hands.

I have never been more proud of my husband.  Watching him, ready to ‘die’ (lose his reputation/job), because his love for Jesus just won’t be contained any longer is about the most solidly beautiful thing I have seen in my life.

He makes me brave.

It’s been a powerful week as we have walked together, prayed together and pressed into all the perfect promises of Scripture as though our lives depended on it…

…Because they do.

The road to heaven starts here; travel light and risk it all.

Frequency

These last couple of weeks, I’ve spent any spare time reflecting from a horizontal position on the couch.

The new life inside seems to strip me of vigor even as it grows in the secret place; my life for my child, it’s as it should be.  My fingers haven’t been keen to write either; as God writes more important things inside of me, my stamina to enter the arena of ideas dwindles.

Ideas and projects are good and important, but where is the heart that is fully devoted to God?

Is there any greater good than to lay myself down inside the heart of my Heavenly Father and live solely unto Him?

Increasingly, I am resting in Jesus.  I don’t know how, after 30-odd years of life on this ball I missed this secret place, but now that I have finally found it, I’m not letting go! 

He’s meeting me; really and truly my heart is – perhaps for the first time – resting in Him.  It’s like the immeasurable greatness that Paul talks about in Ephesians is actually beginning to spill over me and all I want is to spend my extra moments listening to His lovely voice, reading His perfect Word and asking Him all the pent up questions that have been hounding me for years.  It’s like He’s taking my burdens away from me one by one, and I don’t have to wrestle with them anymore… it’s like freedom.

And it’s coming without effort, without striving, without anything being perfect on the outside of me, because the veil has been removed from my eyes and I am embracing Scripture as written, not as the popular evangelical doctrine machines would explain it.

I used to think I was free, but I had no idea that this kind of freedom was available to God’s children.

I used to think prayer was like me leaving a message on God’s answering machine, maybe He’d get back to me, maybe He wouldn’t (“God always answers: sometimes it’s a yes, a no or wait”, right?), and in the waiting I would develop character, of course.  Well, I’ve been learning that God is communicating to me all the time – like a radio station – that simply requires me to ‘tune in’ to the right frequency: Him!

And now, hearing from Him in my spirit through words and dreams, and pressing into His word, I am finally building a relationship with Him… like when I first started getting to know my husband… all the world is new and I just don’t care about hobbies or entertainment or the latest whatever, because the lover of my soul wants to be with me!